Though very different women, Cardi B and Meghan Markle are united in being plagued by men who refuse to accept their decisions to move on without them. Nicole Vassell explains why public pressure from estranged relatives is far from okay
Grand gestures: in the movies, they happen when someone pulls out all the stops to declare their true feelings to the object of their affection, resulting in a tearful reconciliation, a swell of the musical score and a feeling of warmth spreading throughout the audience.
As it happens, things are the rarely same in real life; and 2018 closed out with two examples of grand gestures being used with two high-profile women who, though very different, have men trying to force them into forgiveness via the public court.
First, let’s look at Cardi B. In December, she announced to the world that she and rapper husband Offset had separated. With allegations of Offset being unfaithful rife and frequent even before they were married, news of their relationship breakdown came as something of a shock, as it seemed as if she was eternally nonplussed by his wayward behaviour.
Alas, the I Like It rapper seemed to reach her breaking point, deciding that she and her husband were no more. Plenty of fans have been supportive of her decision to split with him. However, there are also those who are urging her to reconsider, largely egged on by an aggressive forgiveness campaign, led by Offset and his celebrity friends.
As well as posting his apologies on social media, Offset’s charm offensive took a most egregious turn when he interrupted one of Cardi’s live performances with flowers, and a cake reading ‘Take Me Back Cardi’. Visibly startled by his sudden appearance on stage, Cardi was less than impressed, and it was awkward to watch, to say the least.
Meghan Markle knows something of this invasion of personal space too; her father Thomas Markle rarely misses an opportunity to tell the press about their estrangement. Late December saw him returning to Good Morning Britain with an appeal to his Duchess daughter, to resume contact with him for the sake of Christmas, telling cameras: ‘All families, royal or otherwise, are the same and should be together at the holidays.’
‘Applying the pressure of public opinion is the key to someone’s heart; it isn’t cute, it’s manipulative’
At this point, with this being one of many occasions that Markle has ‘reached out’ to the Duchess, it’s hard to believe in how genuine his desire for her attention is. Seeing as none of his candid chats to the press have helped to repair their broken connection, appearing on TV for the umpteenth time was unlikely to do anything to change this. Instead, viewers were encouraged to see things from his perspective, placing the onus on Meghan to put aside whatever she might feel and abide by his wishes, all because the public is watching.
I’m here to dispel the idea that applying the pressure of public opinion is the key to someone’s heart; it isn’t cute, it’s manipulative. The public rarely knows the whole story, or exactly what happened to see exactly what happened to reach this point. When the grand gestures of sorrow and regret are the messages getting amplified the most, it’s giving the person who said no the burden of reacting, and places importance on the feelings of the person who has been cut out.
It’s worth mentioning, although the relationships differ in dynamics (parent-child, spouses), that the person on the side of the manipulation is the man. If the sexes were reversed, it’s hard to imagine the side of the ‘pleader’ garnering so much attention. When men say no, no-one is looking to the the woman to change his mind – it’s simply accepted as a final decision. With all the discussion surrounding consent, surely people can accept that a woman’s no means exactly that? The point should never be to hear someone’s answer, and keep pressing until they change their mind; this is harassment, and it’s not okay. Offset and Thomas Markle need to accept that the people they’re trying to win back have made a decision, and live with it.
