What if you could get rid of all those niggling doubts and fears eating away at you, omnipresent in the back of your mind? Where would you be right now? What would you be doing? Afua Adom asks what if we stopped letting our fear of failure hold us back.
If nothing at all was holding you back what would you do? If all elements of doubt and fear were eliminated what would you do with your life? Think about that just for a second. If I had to answer that question, I think I would say that I’d move to completely different country, preferably somewhere hot and sunny. I’d also dye my hair bright red as well as jump out of a plane although not at the same time. So what’s holding me back? Fear. I’m too scared to do any of those things. I’m scared I won’t be able to find somewhere to live, to be able to support my family, make any friends or any type of life in this hot and sunny country I dream of moving to. I’m scared that my parachute won’t deploy and I’ll plummet to the ground. And I’m scared of what everybody will say about my flaming red hair. The truth is I shouldn’t really care about what people think and I should go for whatever it is I want to get out of life. But what if this fear of failure is holding me and so many others like me back from becoming the very best version of myself?
After convincing one poor guy that the world had ended, Derron Brown’s latest TV adventure involved him getting a bunch of willing participants to trial a new drug that completely removes all elements of fear, leading them to end up in situations that they would otherwise find totally terrifying, like bungee jumping or squaring up to thugs. Although I am in no way advocating getting into fights, I would love to be fearless like that and really not feel afraid of anything life had to throw at me. A few of my close girlfriends feel the same. I asked them all what they would do if they had no fear whatsoever. “I’d pack my bags, move to a remote island and then I’d figure the rest out when I got there,” one told me. “I’d go skiing,” another said. “I’ve always been too scared to try it but I’d love to give it a go.” Counsellor and therapist Ally Davies says the first step in really letting go of fears and reaching your full potential is to start a conversation about them. She says, “Bring your fear out in the open, talk about it, let it out, don’t be embarrassed or feel guilty about it.” Have the same talk with your girls that I did. Ask them what they would do if they had no fear and really get talking about what you’re afraid of. I don’t just mean flying or clowns; I mean what really scares you in life. Then when you vocalise your fears really start to think, I mean really think, about what’s holding you back.
Ally says, “Don’t be afraid of not succeeding, make mistakes, and just make sure you learn from them.” This has to be the key. Fear of what may happen is irrational when you really think about it. Why be afraid of things that haven’t happened yet or maybe never will? Instead, try and let go of these thoughts and think of all the amazing things that could happen if you let go of your fear and really take a chance. If you plucked up the courage to ask out that guy you keep seeing on the train you never know – you could end up getting married and living happily ever after. Yes, there is the chance that it could be a horrible date or, worse still, he says no when you ask him out but you’ll never know until you try, right? You could be missing out on all these amazing experiences by not giving yourself the chance to have them.
Not really expecting much out of life can also take away that element of fearing the worst. “Get rid of all expectations, the more expectations you have, the more disappointments you can have,” Ally says. “If you go into a situation really not expecting to succeed or fail then you take away all elements of fear about not doing well.” She has a really good point. If you went into a job interview thinking it was a practice run or not even expecting to get the job you would let your guard down and really just relax into the interview. Of course, there is the chance you may relax too much and completely go in the wrong direction but you see what I’m saying. Get rid of that feeling that you expect to do badly and the fear of the situation will go away.
Years ago, before I was a top notch Features Editor I worked in music. I loved it but it wasn’t what I really wanted to do. I wanted to be a top notch Features Editor. I had two choices. I could stay in my comfy job, which I loved, or I could ‘get the fear’ as it were, quit and pursue what I really wanted to do. The thought of it scared the be-Jesus out of me. I had a mortgage to pay, I still had to eat and look fabulous but I needed to start over to change my career. That would mean quitting my job and starting at the bottom of the ladder again. I procrastinated over it for about three months and then I just did it. Yes, it was scary. Yes, every day I wondered if I had made the right decision. Yes, I was petrified that I would fail spectacularly and have to go and work in Tesco. But I have to say; eight years later it couldn’t have worked out better. Here I am, a top notch Features Editor giving you lovely readers advice in the title I wanted to work for since I was 13. What would have happened if I hadn’t got over my fear of failure? I have no idea but it scares me more that I could have stayed in a career where I wasn’t happy. My point is whatever you want to do just do it. To coin a phrase, get over yourself. Get rid of that fear and let your real potential take over. You never know what might happen and what you can achieve. Take it from me; it really can change your life.
