What would you tell your younger self if you had the chance? Would you warn her about love interests to stay away from, or to award a second chance? Would you tell her to go for job opportunities that you skipped in the past? Or would you simply reassure her that everything will pan out okay, no matter how she’s feeling at that time? Amra Markic, Digital Editor at allthingshair.com, writes to younger Amra about getting over identity insecurities and accepting a life without her father.
Dear Amra,
We need to talk about your amazing life, which I promise you will all make sense and become better as you get older. From the moment you came to London, you felt insecure. You felt insecure about not having a father; about having a mother who didn’t look like your mother because of her darker skin; and mainly because of your mixed-race skin. You never had that problem in Zambia: you felt like you belonged, and you will belong in the future – not to anyone, but to yourself. You will love your skin colour and the mix of beautiful cultures it represents, so never let anyone tell you any different.
Your hair is a problem to you: it’s not straight enough for you, it wasn’t white enough – or black enough for you. You don’t have to feel guilty about wanting to have hair that is both straight or afro. You will come to love the different personalities each hairstyle brings you and those around you will never know what or who you will be next. Keep them guessing and keep on changing your hair, it has more power than you think. You have more power than you think. You are unique and you should never forget that.
Let’s touch on your father. You’ll need to accept he will never be in your life. This will be extremely hard for you on days like Father’s Day and Christmas but realising how much your mother has done to carry both roles will make you grateful. Better yet, that loneliness you feel will be replaced with 3 new, loving brothers, a stepdad and boyfriend. You see, what the universe takes, it gives back in many other ways and you’ll understand that. All these good moments will drive you to help those around you rise too.
Through the pursuit of your positivity, you’ll create a platform and channel all your good vibes into it. You won’t understand why and what is driving you to do it, but you’ll remember all those times in your life where you felt hopeless, defeated and when hated yourself. You’ll not want those feelings to ever take control again. You will write and write, creatively and wonderfully and your book is underway. It’s a story about a mother and her daughter, a story you know so well… That’s all I can tell you for now. So, don’t stop reading or let self-doubt make you think you don’t have those words in you.
My final words of advice? Everything is in your hands; it has always been and will always be. You are not lost, you are lucky and the sooner you realise how amazing you are, the sooner you get on with living the life you deserve. Love yourself fully, don’t depend on anyone but yourself to make those big dreams a reality.
Love,
A x
For Amra’s hair tips and advice, head to allthingshair.com/en-uk – and follow her on Instagram – @femme_glow and @selfglowclub, for all things self-love and positivity
