It’s never easy to discuss money – but for reader Katrine, not telling the whole truth about her current financial situation is driving a wedge between her and her friends. In need of help, she’s written into Pride’s advice columnist, Paisley Billings, to see if she can help to find a solution…
The big problem
Hi Paisley,
A few months ago, I left my long-hours, high-paying job of a year and a half due to stress and personal issues making day-to-day working life a big struggle. Though I didn’t have a new job to go on to, I know leaving was the right thing to do for the sake of my mental health. At the moment, I’m living at home and while I look for a new job, I’m staying away from social situations quite a bit – I’m trying not to spend too much, and it’s also a little embarrassing to face my super successful friends as an unemployed person. I know this shouldn’t be the way, but now that I’m outside of that high paying bubble, I realise just how ‘boujee’ my group of friends are. Nevertheless, they keep inviting me to fancy dinners and nights out, despite the fact that I’m cutting down on spending. When I decline, they are always so sad and disappointed, and one of them has even told me that she feels as if our friendship is in trouble because I’m withdrawing. I feel really guilty about it, but I’m not sure what I can do. How can I get through to them and let them know that it’s really not about them – it’s me, and the limitations of my pockets! Also, any advice on cost-cutting ways to have fun would be much appreciated…
Hope you can help.
Best wishes,
Katrine x
Paisley’s solution
Hey babes, the first thing I want to say is well done for putting your mental health first. I hope you’ve noticed a positive change in your health since taking some time out. Secondly, your group of friends should be friends with you regardless of how much money you take home a year. At the moment, they’re reaching out just to be shut down because you can’t afford to go out for fancy dinners and stuff like you used to. STOP FEELING GUILTY.
The important thing here is that they are still your friends and they really want to spend time with you – hence the upset and disappointment when you can’t come out. Be real with them and explain that you’re really having to pinch those pennies at the moment. Saying this though, don’t let money stop you from seeing your friends and having quality time with them. It’s good that you’ve noticed how ‘boujee’ they are, and you were probably the same way. Now that your perspective has changed, make an effort to show them that you can all get together without having to spend loads and that you can have fun just being together.
I also want you to know you that you can go on a good night out and not have to break the bank. Just let your friends know you can’t buy any rounds, and if you do like to have a drink, have some pre-drinks (responsibly, of course) and then go and dance the night away! I think you should reach out to the friend that thinks you’re withdrawing and suggest a cheap hang out; stay in and have a good catch up, and make dinner together instead of going out to spend loads on a meal. To be honest, if your group of friends need money to have fun they sound a bit dry to me – so let’s hope that’s not the case.
Sending love and light,
Paisley B xxx
