There’s nothing like coming home after a stressful day at work, and relaxing in the comfort of your own home. But what happens when the peace of home is in constant disruption by a housemate who’s too eager for their own good? Reader Shanay seeks the advice of TV star, influencer and Pride’s Agony Aunt, Paisley Billings, to help deal with an overfamiliar housemate
The big problem
Hey Paisley, hope you’re good – I’m writing to you because I have a problem with my housemate, Celine. She moved in about seven months ago, after my other friend moved out of our rented flat to go travelling. Me and my other housemate, Jen, found Celine on a housing website for people looking for places to live. Though I would’ve preferred to live with someone I knew, she seemed great when she came to view the house, and all three of us got on really well! And don’t get me wrong, I really like her – but I think she likes me too much. Every day after work, she comes straight to my room and gives me a big debrief about her day, whether I’ve asked or not. She tells me her every interaction with guys on her dating apps; she tells me all the gossip going on with her friends back up north, where she’s from. I can’t watch TV in the living room without her coming in and nattering nonstop. She’s quite new to London and has really latched onto me as some sort of big sister figure, and even though I’m flattered, and I do really like her – it’s too much! I need my space, but I don’t want to make her upset – she’s quite sensitive. Should I tell her to ease off a bit, or just grin and bear it?
Thanks babe!
Shanay x
Paisley’s advice
Hi Shanay, thank you for contacting me. Issues with housemates are never fun so I understand why you wouldn’t want to rock the boat. However, even if she is really sensitive, if something is really bothering you I think you should say something. You don’t have to be rude but the next time she’s nattering away and you’re trying to watch TV, it’s okay to politely ask her to be quiet and tell her you just want to watch in peace and quiet. Home is supposed to be your sanctuary and this environment needs to be just that for the both of you. It’s okay to tell someone you need a bit of space – just be mindful of her feelings. Also have a think about if it’s really that one sided; do you confide in her at all? Do you vent to her? Do you fill her in on gossip? If you answered yes to any of these, no wonder she feels so comfortable and sees you as a close friend.
I just want to say it’s really nice that you’ve been so welcoming. It can be tough for someone trying to find their way in a new city away from home. Being the big sister figure to someone is great. The truth is, sometimes big sisters tell us what we need to hear not necessarily what we want to hear, so it’s okay to speak up. It sounds like she could do with some new hobbies and some more friends. Making new friends as an adult can be quite daunting but the great thing is with a lot of hobbies you tend to make friends whether it’s going to a class or even becoming part of an online community.
Just remember, it’s okay to say: ‘I’m trying to have some ME time right now’.
Sending love and light,
Paisley B xxx
