Reader Kim* has been trusted with a personal secret of her nephew’s – but now, she’s stuck on whether she should leave him to navigate it on his own terms, or whether there’s anything she should be doing to help him live in his truth. However, TV presenter and Pride’s resident agony aunt Paisley Billings is here to offer some much needed advice…
The big problem
Hi Paisley,
Hope you’re doing well, hun… My dilemma is about my nephew. His dad, my brother, is quite a bit older than me, so my nephew and I are close in age, with me only being three years older than him. (He’s 26, and I’m 29.) He’s one of my best friends, and our relationship’s only gotten stronger as we’ve gotten older. So, when he told me that he’s gay a month or two ago, I was shocked – he’d never given me any hints before, and he’s had girlfriends in the past! Of course, this hasn’t affected the way I feel about him, and I’m so happy that he’s starting to live in his truth. He really wants to open up to our whole family, but he’s scared because he doesn’t want to risk being rejected. I don’t know what to do, as I want him to be able to be free, but I also know that certain people in the family might give him trouble for simply being who he is. Is there any way that I can help my nephew out of the closet – or is it something I have to let him handle alone?
Thanks,
Kim
Paisley’s advice
First things first: do not under any circumstances say anything to anyone, even if he asks you to. This is his truth to tell in his own time. What you can do on the other hand is be there to support him. Let him know that you’re grateful he could share this with you and that you will have his back, no matter what happens. Offer him a safe space where he’ll be listened to and can just be himself. Coming out is a process. You guys are family and best friends with what sounds like a lovely relationship and he’s only just come out to you.
Remind him that if and when he decides to come out, it doesn’t have to be one big grand announcement and he definitely doesn’t have to open up to the whole family at the same time. A lot of the time we think of the worst possible outcome but those in your family that you originally thought were closed-minded might just surprise you. He needs you now more than ever, so just be there for him. When he feels safe, that’s when he’ll be ready.
Sending love & light,
Paisley B
