Weddings can be some of the most memorable, and exciting celebrations of a lifetime – however, when you’re not so keen on either party, things become a little complicated. Reader Annie faces this dilemma, as her sister has recently become engaged to her long-time boyfriend, who, despite technically being a good match for her sister, Annie is not the greatest fan of. She reaches out to TV presenter, social media star and Pride’s resident agony aunt, Paisley Billings, for advice on what to do about her bothersome brother-in-law.
The big problem
My sister’s engaged to her boyfriend of about four years – and while I’m happy for her, as she’s wanted this for quite some time, I just can’t bring myself to be fully on board with her choice of life partner. On paper, he’s fine – he has a well-paying job, he’s active and has hobbies, and he’s seemingly kind to my sister’s 10-year-old son – my nephew, and his soon-to-be stepson. But when I see the way he interacts with my sister in person, I’m a bit concerned. He’s very stern, and can be quite gruff and cold to the people around him… it’s not nice, and I think my sister’s moulding herself into this boring, ‘wifely’ role in order to keep him happy. It’s like she’s walking on eggshells. Last week, me and my sister’s fiancé had a bad argument about politics, and if my sister was being herself, she’d be totally on my side and tell him where to stick his views – but instead, she was angry with me for ‘riling him up’. I know their relationship is their business, but I feel like she’s making a mistake! Should I tell my sister how I feel about him, or leave her to it and hope she doesn’t lose even more of herself?
Thanks for your help! Annie x
Paisley’s advice
Hey hun,
First things first – sisters don’t always tell us what we WANT to hear; they tell us what we NEED to hear, so this is why you need to be honest with her. I think you should talk to her about the changes you’ve noticed in her behaviour since being with him, and explain your concerns about the way he addresses her. Say your piece, and then give her time to reflect on what you’ve said. Relationships can sometimes change family dynamics and they can change the people we know and love so well. Whatever you do, listen to your gut and your intuition: if something doesn’t sit right with you, make that clear. At the end of the day, that’s your sister – you have to look out for one another.
Sending love and light,
Paisley B xoxox
