TV star, influencer and Agony Aunt Paisley Billings helps out a reader who’s stuck between a rock – the desire to move away from home – and a hard place – guilt for leaving her mum alone at home as she recovers from a breakup
THE BIG PROBLEM
“I’ve recently finished Uni, and the whole time I lived at home with my mum and her boyfriend, saving money so that I can move out as quickly as possible when I graduated. I just found a flat that I really like and was in the process of getting ready to move out, but sadly for my mum, she and her boyfriend have split up after she found out he was having an affair for the majority of their relationship.
My mum is completely devastated and I have put my plans on hold for now – but I don’t know whether I should just cancel the idea completely. My mum doesn’t really have any close friends and her sister lives really far away, so she’d be really alone if I moved out, which could make her feel even worse. I know it is not my responsibility, but we’ve always just had each other, and I would feel so guilty leaving her by herself!
At the same time, I’ve worked so hard to be able to afford to move out, and I feel ready to leave the nest now. Even though she hasn’t specifically asked me to stay, I know that if it was me in this position my mum would be there for me totally, and cater to my every need. I don’t know whether to do what is right for myself, or to put it off and do what is right for my family… please help!’
PAISLEY’S ADVICE
Congratulations on making it through university – that’s a huge achievement that you should be really proud of. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum’s relationship. I think putting your plans on hold in order to be there for your mum was the right thing to do. Right now, she needs you more than ever. Mums like to give off this Wonder Woman image – but the truth is: they need us more than we could ever imagine.
However, I think completely cancelling your plans to move out is a bad idea. You’ve worked hard and you’ve saved your money. Whatever you do, don’t touch those savings. Give yourself six months at your mum’s, and let her know you do still plan on moving out, but right now, you feel like you need to be there for her.
Family comes first. Spend the next six months saving more money to move out and helping your mum to mend her broken heart. Mums make so many sacrifices for us all the time. I think it’s fair to say waiting and helping her get back on her feet is a tiny sacrifice in comparison to the sacrifices mums make for their children. Also, this could be good for the both of you. It gives you a chance to bond and spend lots of quality time together. I hope this helps.
Sending love and light,
Paisley B.
PS: Send my love to your mum x
Do you have a problem that only Paisley can help solve? Send in your problem to nicole@pridemagazine.com, or send Pride a Direct Message on Twitter – Paisley might just be helping you out next!
