What to do when in a relationship, you’re more of a ‘hot and spicy sauce’ while your partner’s a ‘plain chicken at Nando’s’ type? There’s nothing wrong with either, but do two opposites make magic – or is it better to find someone more your speed? Reader Oni* asks agony aunt and TV star Paisley Billings for advice on what she can do about her boyfriend, who she fears is too far on the safe side for her…
The big question
Hi Paisley, hope you’re well. I’ll jump right into it: I think my boyfriend is too tame for me. We’ve been together just over a year, and he’s truly a really sweet guy. We met on Tinder, and from the start I had a feeling that he’d be worth keeping around: he’s supportive, and so mature – but he’s not as outgoing or adventurous as I am. I’m definitely more of the extrovert, while he’s very introverted, and sometimes that makes me feel as if he’s a bit boring, or it holds me back in social situations. Though we get along really well when it’s just the two of us, and I’m in a place in my life where I think I’m looking for someone reliable that I can build a future with, I’m having doubts about whether he’s got that ’something’ that will keep me excited about our time together. Is it worth trying to spice him up a bit? Or is it time to start looking elsewhere for The One?
Thanks,
Oni x
Paisley’s solution
Hi Oni,
I’m a firm believer in the phrase: ‘when you know, you know’. What you must remember is that opposites attract. Balance is needed in a relationship, so you being extroverted and him being introverted is not necessarily a bad thing. You mention that at the start you were attracted to him, and knew he was good news. Some of the traits that you love, for example him being mature, might mean that he isn’t going to be as outgoing or spontaneous sometimes. Now, if you truly believe that your man is boring and holding you back, then please stop wasting his time you’re not doing anyone any favours here. I really think you should let him know how you feel. You never know – he might feel the same way. Sometimes we can get comfortable in relationships and forget why we were so excited and lose the spark. Plan a date night and let him know you want to spice things up again.
Sending love & light,
Paisley B xxx
*Name changed
