When you’ve found your path in life, it may be difficult to see ones you care about struggle to find their niche. But is there anything that you can do to help? Or is it a case of letting them figure out their own lives by themselves? TV star, influencer and Agony Aunt Paisley Billings helps out reader Esther*, who believes her brother needs help to reach his potential in life – but doesn’t know how
The big problem
Dear Paisley,
Hope you’re well. I’m writing to you with a problem that’s not directly mine, but my brother’s – I’m worried that he’s going nowhere in life! He’s 20, has never had a full-time job, and barely attends his college course. I don’t think he has much motivation to find things to do with his life.
I try to get him motivated to find work, or a hobby – like, I signed him up to the gym, but I have no idea the last time he went. If he could have his way, he’d sit and play video games all day, and then go drinking with his mates on the weekend, until the end of time. I’ve always been really motivated to go somewhere in life, and I’m in my final year at university now, hoping to travel before starting a training contract with a law firm. It’s just such a shame that my little bro can’t find something that he wants to do.
I don’t want him to waste his life, or worse, get caught up with a bad crowd out of boredom. Any ideas would be so appreciated!
Love,
Esther x
Paisley’s advice
Hi Esther,
Thanks for reaching out to me. I can understand this situation must be quite frustrating for you. I urge you to remember everyone’s timeline in life is different. Not everyone knows what they want to do with their life or what their purpose is and more often than not even when they do that changes over time.
I think it’s lovely that you care, and are trying to motivate your brother. When I was 19, I was skipping college and drinking with my mates – it’s not the end of the world, I promise you! I’ve noticed, in life, you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. My Grandma used to say: ‘You can bring a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink’, and it’s so true. He has to want to help himself and he has to want a change for himself. I think instead of focussing on where he’s going in life I think you should lead by example. If he sees you travelling, making money, and succeeding in your education and career then there’s a strong chance he might just want the same for himself.
Sending love & light, Paisley B xxx
*Name changed to protect identity
