It’s never nice seeing your parents not getting along well while growing up – but when you’re an adult, and you can see things a lot more clearly, then it all becomes a bit tricky… especially when you’re living with them!
Reader Samia* feels trapped in the middle, and isn’t sure whether or not to speak her mind – so it’s a case for TV star, influencer and Agony Aunt Paisley Billings to weigh in and offer some much-needed guidance…
The big problem
Hi Paisley, a bit of a weird one here, hope you don’t mind. So, I moved back home after I left uni three years ago, because like so many young people early in their careers, it’s hard to find somewhere decent and for a good price. I get along with both parents quite well on the whole: they give me advice when I want it, space when I need it, and there’s always something good to eat in the fridge – massive pro! However, the big problem is that they’re clearly unhappy together, and it makes me feel sick as a bystander, seeing them not get along yet force themselves to stay living under the same roof.
They hardly talk, and when they do, it’s either stilted or the start of an argument. It drives me crazy! I know most people would probably be upset at the idea of their parents going their separate ways but I’d much prefer them split and have some sense of peace, rather than keep up appearances for family here and back in Congo, and for me and my twin brother (who lives abroad now). I think that if I finally packed up and left, they would finally have to face the fact that there’s no-one around to pretend for, and it might give them the push to break up. Should I confront them about this, keep quiet, or just move in with friends and leave them to figure this all out on their own? What would you do in this situation?
Love, Samia x
Paisley’s advice
Hi Samia,
Thanks for reaching out. There’s a tricky line here that you don’t want to cross – and I don’t think you should confront them directly, as such. Yes, they are your parents but you didn’t walk down the aisle and say those vows when they got married – they did. Even though it drives you crazy, I don’t think it’s your place to intervene. Or as my Jamaican grandma would say: ‘Stay out of big people business!’ I think you need to let them work it out for themselves. It might be a good idea to tell them you’ve noticed that they aren’t as happy at the moment but don’t go any further than just stating an observation. I’d also suggest spreading your wings and flying the nest again to give them space to work it all out.
Sending love & light,
Paisley B x
*name changed
