Oftentimes, there is an unspoken expectation for Black women to be unconditionally selfless, resilient, and settle for the absolute bare minimum. It is imperative for Black women to unsubscribe from this ideology completely. One of the best ways we can do this is by tapping into the highest and purest form of love: self-love.
Now, I get it; this term seems to be a buzzword at the moment in this fairly woke and self-aware generation. It goes without saying that self-love is a fundamental component for healthy relationships, both platonic and romantic. However, it really applies to every, and I mean every, area of your life.
It’s not accepting pain and hardship as your normality. Black women have been conditioned to jump through hoops of fire and work harder than anybody else in the room to get even a mere acknowledgment. No. We must try our very best to break free from generational curses. It’s speaking up when you are uncomfortable. It’s saying no without over-explaining yourself.
Having boundaries and being assertive does not make you ‘mean,’ ‘cold,’ or ‘unapproachable.’ It means you value yourself and you have stipulations in place to protect that.
In the same breath, self-love is also accepting your flaws and striving to be a better version of you for you. It means booking that therapy session to understand your childhood trauma and developing a toolkit to deal with those triggers. More importantly, it is walking away. There is no Blue Peter badge or Scout’s honour for sticking things out until you are a shadow of the person you once were.
You have to walk away from people or places that don’t see your value or bring out a side of you that you don’t like. Walking away is not easy. Sometimes that job that doesn’t value you pays really well; that relationship that does not serve you is comfortable, and you don’t want to ‘start over.’ Sometimes that friendship group of 20 years is all you know. I believe the universe will reward you and replace what you lose. It could take days, weeks, or even years, but choosing yourself will never harm you. Yes, you might be lost for a while, trying to figure things out. You might grieve the thing or person you have walked away from (completely normal, by the way), but it will always work out for you. Always.
Black women deserve healthy love where there are no obstacles and hurdles to prove our value or our right to be respected. We deserve luxury experiences and nice things. Just because.
It is cliché, but the love that you have for yourself determines a lot. It affects how you will allow people to treat you, the decisions you make, and ultimately the quality of your life. It sounds dramatic, but it is true. One of the great wonders of the human experience is adaptability; self-love can be discovered and worked on at any age. There is no examination or pre-assessment. It is a choice and then making decisions that reflect that.
Lastly, self-love is forgiveness. Forgive yourself for the past decisions you made or things you accepted. That was then, this is now. ‘Yesterday’s price is not today’s price.’ You did what you could with the information you had at the time. Whether you want to be married with the house, the kids, and the dog, or a rich auntie who travels the world (visiting her nieces and nephews when she can), or maybe you are at a place where you don’t even know what you want (because you have been there and done that). Just know that there is a love that can be deep, liberating, warm, kind, unconditional, and without soul-crushing pain: the love for self.
By Mena Kwame founder of Mena’s Messages
Mena’s Messages is a self-development blog, created in 2022 and built on the three core pillars of mind, fitness, and lifestyle. Here, I wish to inspire you to prioritise yourself, love yourself, and unlock the best version of you. By actively focusing on these areas, you’ll transform into an elite version of yourself.
Remember, the longest and most important relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself. Investing in your growth isn’t just a necessity—it’s the biggest game-changer and the biggest flex!
Dive into tips from skipping and conserving your energy, and embark on an exhilarating journey of outshining the old version of you. For more self-improvement content, visit www.menasmessages.co.uk and start your transformation now!
